November 13, 2011 - Posted by Dori - 1 Comment
Life in Night’s Dark Cocoon is like a wilderness really, and yet, this wilderness I am in is being used by God to create in me the woman of God that He wants me to be. This concept has become very real to me in the past week as I have finally submitted to Him and His Grace, Mercy and Peace.
In the quiet…in the stillness, I hear and see what is being done in this person, this woman, His Princess, His Daughter, His Love and the apple of His eye. It is only growth in this wilderness that has even allowed me to write the previous line. You see we can do one of two things when we are placed in a season of wilderness. We can fight it as I have done for many months now, scream and cry that “Oh, I am in a wilderness, I am in a wilderness!” our own noise keeping us from “hearing” God, or we can give in and let God be God in this time as I have now chosen to do after screaming for far to long… In so choosing to let God be God there are so many wonderful things to share with you now! I know without a doubt that I have one wing out of my cocoon and my heart burns for Him and Him alone as He heals my spirit, soul and body.
I am convinced that we are given a choice in all things, in every moment of our lives; if we choose to let God rule and reign, make the changes that need to be made; that season of wilderness will be shortened and the growth and maturity achieved will be plentiful, the fullness in your spirit will cause you to soar to the highest height! I also believe that as we soar we are to take others with us and with God choosing the venue for you to share your experience you will continue to grow beyond your pain into His perfect will for your life.
Father God has not given us anything that He did not also give to Jesus, His precious Son. Jesus was “led by the Spirit into the wilderness”, he was tempted with all things known to man; riches (all the kingdoms of the world and their glory, which satan could not offer if they did not belong to him…hhmmm) food, for Jesus was hungry after forty days of fasting; and the ability to make it (“turn those rocks into bread”), satan told Him to jump from the pinnacle of the temple and said “for as it is written, He shall give His angels charge over you, in their hands they shall bear you up lest you dash your foot against a stone” You see satan knows the Word of God very well, he was referencing Psalm 91:12… Jesus responded to the devil by telling him to be gone..”Away with you, satan! For it is written “You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve” satan fled and when he did, angels came and ministered to Jesus! (Scripture taken from Matthew 4:1-11 NKJV paraphrase mine)
So much was accomplished in Jesus time in the wilderness and He set a precedence for us in that He came against the enemy in all temptation telling him “Away with you, satan” and he fled…so we being made in His image and having the living God living in us (I hope you do, more on that shortly) when we tell the enemy to flee in Jesus Name he must flee!
Also; angels were there to keep Jesus from dashing His foot on a stone, and to minister to Him after his time of temptation, so then, we being joint heirs to the Kingdom of God with Christ also have angels to minister to us.
Jesus had the ability to create food out of rocks if He so desired, but to win this battle He continued to fast…so should we desire to fast and pray during our wilderness time as we seek our breakthrough.
So what has my time in the wilderness done for me? How can I now be a precedence for abused women as was told to me many months ago?
First and foremost there is a maturity in my spirit, a knowing that was not there before. It is deep and complete in that I now know as never before that I will never again hold onto the abuse I suffered at the hands of others. I will continue to share freely my experiences and how the Lord has and is using them for His Glory as my choice in this is to have it no other way.
There is a Peace, His Peace that surpasses all understanding in my soul. Jesus has flooded me with His peace in the midst of not only wilderness but a period of time right this moment when I stand to loose much of what I called dear. Right now when I am daily in a place of danger to my person. Right now, when I long to be close to my family…Peace, His Peace like a balm to my soul washes through me, His Rain.
There is Joy, only His Joy where there should be none…unspeakable Joy, silly joy, consuming joy, giggly joy! Unexplainable Joy!
Above all there is a deeper understanding, like to the depth of my being understanding of just how deep His love is for me, for you too, yes but for me. That has always been hard for me to say. If I say us, it includes me without saying me. If I say, you I don’t have to include me so when I say me, I am admitting that He feels I am worth His sacrifice….that being said…
YOU are also worth His sacrifice…Jesus died for me yes but He died for YOU too! His sacrifice seems to be easy to say but the depth of what He suffered to bring us from sin and death to forgiveness and life is very difficult to say. He was bruised, beaten, He was bloody and “unrecognizable” as he was taken to hang on a very rough cross that He had to push up on to catch a breath until He was spent…His Blood shed for me, for you, for us that we might gain life with Him forever…
Please take this time, if you have not already to give your life to Jesus who gave His life for you. Ask Him to come into your life and to take over and forgive you and enjoy the freedom of life in Christ…
Blessings to you always, Dori
May 22, 2011 - Posted by Dori - 1 Comment
Well I have been doing pretty good working my way out of this dark cocoon lately. I see more and more though that all days are not created equal and this afternoon is one of those unequal moments. My birthday is in a few days, I will be 55, I don’t know where the days have gone or the years for that matter. It seems like I was just playing with dolls, going to dance class, and working out plays and musicals with the neighbor kids and here I am 55 and on my own. My children are grown and as they say; doing what I taught them to do. My grandchildren are growing by leaps and bounds too; it seems like just yesterday, I was told of their soon to be arrival…
As I have said before my love for Number Four has never gone away, I do not believe it will ever go away but I have in recent weeks been in a place where I could put those feelings in a place of their own and not dwell on them or be overly touched by them, I guess you would say I had put them at arms length.
Over the past few years the Lord has consistantly told me that my Maker was my Husband: this is found in Isaiah 54:5 which I have quoted before. I wear a cross with a ring entwined around it; to myself it signifies that I am “married” to the Lord now. It does not always however win over my humaness and this afternoon I struggle with missing Number Four horribly, was it because I spoke to my sister a bit ago? Probably. She told me he had ordered materials to do the yard over of the house we shared and it looks beautiful, terraced and like a golf course. He spent a lot of money having someone do the things he used to be able to do himself and enjoyed doing but to me it means that he is moving on. I was also told that he had been so drunk when he ordered the materials that the person taking the order could barely understand him so in that respect things have not changed at all. If only those couple of things had been told to me I suppose it would have been ok since I have to be able to handle this kind of news; he is still family as my sister and I had married brothers…I know the following was said with no intent to hurt, but I was also told that He loves me and misses me still…how this saddens me because while I love him too, I could never as is wished of family, go back to California and live in that way only to end up suffering the words and more that come with living with an alcoholic.
I had a great chat with my Pastor yesterday and things are really looking up for ministering and I will be given full reign of the church and be able to be under the church to teach and minister to women as the Lord leads. This all came with out having spoken to him before hand about my burden and so I know it is of God and I am grateful.
I can not let the things of today bring me down but for a moment. Once again as salt was driven into my healing wounds I know that I will have the opportunity to help someone out of it. God does not waste a hurt and I will use it to the fullest.
So why write about it?? So that if one day you see me speak, read my books or end up in a class I may teach; you will know that should you have the need I am here with an openess and first hand knowledge that will enable me to pray for you in the way that you may need to be prayed for…in that respect it is all worth it…
I pray many blessings be upon you, Dori
May 15, 2011 - Posted by Dori - 4 Comments
It is already the middle of May. It seems that these writings in Night’s Dark Cocoon are hard to begin, hard to formulate and get onto paper the things that are changing and not changing. This time seems interminable, will I ever emerge with wings to soar? There are still glimmers some days even bigger than glimmers. I have to ask myself too; what are my expectaions for me? Are they in line with the Lord’s expectations for me?
I was visiting a very good friend in North Carolina who’s husband was very ill and has since gone to be with the Lord. I went to her church and the Pastor prophecied over me. He looked at me, not knowing me and said that soon I would need to be lifting up my friend’s arms…did he need to say more. I said no as I knew my friend was still holding out hope for a healing for her husband and I knew what the Pastor was going to say…that I was to move from Massechussets to North Carolina. That was the beginning of January, by the end of January I was back in North Carolina standing with my friend as she and her children said good bye to their beloved husband and father. With in three months a home opened up for me a block away from my friend and I am now in North Carolina and attend the church where that prophetic Word was given to me.
Acts 2:17
‘ And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh;Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,Your young men shall see visions ,Your old men shall dream dreams.
At this point I do not have a job and I am really relying on the Lord to provide as He has always done. I believe He has brought me here for a purpose and as I continue to seek employment I pray that He will direct me to the door that is a bit opened to me. This also was prophecied over me one Wednesday night at church when my Pastor looked at me and said that he looks at me and just wants to burst. He said that I had moved here by divine appointment to move up to the next level of where the Lord wants me to be in my destiny, and that the Lord is going to take care of everything, that every door I look at is not the right one even if I want it or someone else wants it; it is not the right one, He has closed a lot of doors and they are to stay closed He has slammed some doors in my face and has not allowed some doors to open that I did not even know about. He has one door only that is a crack open and He will open it but only that door. In the mean time He will take care of everything.
He said he saw me wielding a sword and said that there were about three feet of openness in the back of me but as I cut through the brush in front of me the brush behind me was closing up. He said that The Lord says there is no going back, that I must continue to move forward, continue to wield the sword of His Word….
I am beginning to think there may be a little tear in my cocoon!
As I have been sitting with the Lord a lot lately, there are not the distractions of work at the moment, He is showing me a lot of things about myself. They are not all that wonderful and things that I believe He is dealing with me about so that I CAN be all He wants me to be in Him soooooo ok I will continue to go through the fire.
One huge and I mean absolutely huge issue that was brought to my attention is that in seeking a husband I was very selfish, I wanted to be loved perfectly, I wanted to be taken care of by him, I wanted to take care of him, me me me…well what I have just learned, what just finally clicked, is that no, I did not want a man to love me most and best, I needed to have a man who loved Jesus the most and best. Only in this way would I have had the husband who would have been God’s best for me not Dori’s assumed best. This knowledge sent me on my face before the Lord in repentance. I missed it. I finally got it….This explains so much of what happened in my marriages and in the abuse and the mocking of my faith. If they had loved the Lord as I do there would not have been jealosy of God, or my relationship with the Lord, there would have been understanding and sharing on a grand scale. If they had loved the Lord as I do there would have been a spirit connection that meshed with the physical and emotional…it would have been perfect with one of them if I had not been selfish in my choosing…it is a hard and bitter lesson, a burden to carry and yet I still will not BE bitter, I will be better and I WILL carry my burdens to the Lord and leave them with Him. It is far too much for me to carry.
I am also learning that how the Lord sees me is completely not the way I see myself. Because of all the abuse I have experienced I am not all that crazy about me, but my God is crazy about me.
Isaiah 54: 4-6 (NKJV) 4“ Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
5 For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth. 6 For the LORD has called you Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,” Says your God.
I know I have sited these verses more than once but they speak volumes to me and who I am to become. I am working on believing Jesus in this, working on getting through the shame and the pain. I will not allow my experiences to become a consuming fire eating me up and rendering me useless, I WILL rise up and allow the Lord to be my Consuming Fire as He changes me more closely to the likeness of His image and not mine. I choose this walk that I might touch you who have been are are now going through the abuses of man to show you that your Hope is in Christ,in His love for you, together we will be whole again in Him.
My burden for you my sisters and some brothers, I pray that soon the doors open for me to be able to meet you and pray for you personally, until then you are all in my prayers even though I only know a few names.
Rest in Him and His sweet peace, Many blessing to you, Dori
May 15, 2011 - Posted by Dori - 2 Comments
Hebrews 11
By Faith We Understand
1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 2 For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.
3 By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.
Faith at the Dawn of History
4 By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks.
5 By faith Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, “and was not found, because God had taken him”;[a] for before he was taken he had this testimony, that he pleased God. 6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
7 By faith Noah, being divinely warned of things not yet seen, moved with godly fear, prepared an ark for the saving of his household, by which he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness which is according to faith.
Faithful Abraham
8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; 10 for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.
11 By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child[b] when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude—innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.
The Heavenly Hope
13 These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them,[c] embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them.
The Faith of the Patriarchs
17 By faith Abraham, when he was tested, offered up Isaac, and he who had received the promises offered up his only begotten son, 18 of whom it was said, “In Isaac your seed shall be called,”[d] 19 concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense.
20 By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning things to come.
21 By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of the sons of Joseph, and worshiped, leaning on the top of his staff.
22 By faith Joseph, when he was dying, made mention of the departure of the children of Israel, and gave instructions concerning his bones.
The Faith of Moses
23 By faith Moses, when he was born, was hidden three months by his parents, because they saw he was a beautiful child; and they were not afraid of the king’s command.
24 By faith Moses, when he became of age, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in[e] Egypt; for he looked to the reward.
27 By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible. 28 By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, lest he who destroyed the firstborn should touch them.
29 By faith they passed through the Red Sea as by dry land, whereas the Egyptians, attempting to do so, were drowned.
By Faith They Overcame
30 By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they were encircled for seven days. 31 By faith the harlot Rahab did not perish with those who did not believe, when she had received the spies with peace.
32 And what more shall I say? For the time would fail me to tell of Gideon and Barak and Samson and Jephthah, also of David and Samuel and the prophets: 33 who through faith subdued kingdoms, worked righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, became valiant in battle, turned to flight the armies of the aliens. 35 Women received their dead raised to life again.
Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. 36 Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,[f] were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— 38 of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth.
39 And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, 40 God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us.
December 30, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 0 Comments
It has been three weeks since my divorce became final. With the Christmas rush and working extra hours I never had the chance to really visit what this means for me. I came home from work yesterday exhausted, sad to the point that I did not think I could even breathe anymore and really did not care if I did or not. I was so far deep down in the corner of my cocoon I really hoped no one could find me…God did. You see no matter what we are dealing with, no matter how far down into the dark cocoon we may try to go; God is there also. He is catching your tears, holding you as you toss and turn, can you see Him?
”You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, each tear you entered into Your ledger. each ache and pain written in Your book.” Psalm 56:8 (the Message)
Last night I did not care if I woke up my pain was so deep at the realization the Number Four was not going to stop drinking, come back to me and we would work it out. It is for real. It is over and I am devastated. The hope I continue to hold onto in all of this is that the Lord had been telling me for years that He was my Husband, my Maker. He was the One I needed to be trusting, not a man. Isaiah 54:5-6
I remember before I met Number Four asking…no begging God to let me know what it was like to be truly loved by a man. Number Four was sober for a time and more than knew what it was like to be truly loved. WHY did the bottle have to win? WHY were my cries to the Lord not answered the way I wanted them to be answered, WHY do I have to begin again at the age of 54 when jobs are hard to find and finances even harder to maintain…His ways are not our ways and our ways are not His ways. That is where the whole chapter Hebrews 11 is good to know and I will place that on another page for you. It is called the faith chapter for a reason and really when you look at some of the characters God has used and still is using (me for one) it is interesting! I also believe that because I was the one to leave and I will receive basically nothing after attorney fees (I am praying about that) is that anything I do receive will be from the Lord. I will say it again and if I am ever speaking to you and you have read this I will say it and yell it from the mountain tops…anything I receive now is from the Lord and while He may use people to bring things about in my new life; all is still from Him for He is the giver of good gifts.
Matthew 7:11 (NKJV) “If you then, being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”
Don’t let the word “evil: throw you because really we all have fallen short of the glory of God, we all sin; and yet He still cares enough to provide for our every need. SO I say again that even though I am being left with very little both materially and financially, my Father in heaven WILL provide. I am working on aligning the desires of my heart to be in line with the desires of His heart for me. I know that what burns in me is to reach you with my story that you might somehow find yourself lifted up and know that you are special to the Most High God. While “my plan” in writing was to be talking to women who have suffered abuse there are some men reading as well and I need you to know right now that everything that is said for the women is also meant for men who have or are suffering abuse.
Right now I am living on the Wings of Change, the Wings of Faith as I continue to work my way out of Night’s Dark Cocoon. How long will it take I don’t know but I am happy that by taking the Hand of the Lord Most High, I am not living this time alone, I am not in total darkness as He is my Light.
Allow the Lord of Lords the King of Glory and the Light in the darkness be your light too.
Blessings, Dori
November 24, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 0 Comments
Another day breaks with bright sunshine warm upon my face. I stretch and smile; then my issue reminds me of who I am perceived to be. For 12 years now I have woken up with my hopes dashed, longing to live a “normal woman’s” life again. My issue, an issue of blood, has caused me to suffer many things at the hands of physicians and has also cost me all I have; now here I am viewed as unclean, detestible, untouchable.
I can not longer meet my old friends at the well for an early morning chat as we drew our water for the day together. I was a very popular woman back then, blessed with beauty inside and out, people used to say. I loved to dress in lovely colors…sigh…now the clothes I wear screams to everyone of my infirmity, my issue of blood, my desperation. I feel so hopeless, helpless and oh so very lonely.
What, what is all that commotion out in the street? There is so much noise, people yelling “Jesus, Jesus, over here!”
Jeeeeesus…Jesus. Oh! I have heard His Name spoken in the streets before, some even say He is the Messiah; I have heard it told that many are healed in His presence….do I dare? I MUST chance seeing Him…no I can’t, I am unclean, He will only shun me like all the rest,and well… the people would just as soon trample me if they see me… I can’t, but He is my only hope, do I dare?…YES! I MUST! Only He can heal me I can feel it! hhhmmmmmm, If I crawl and make myself as small as I can maybe I will be unnoticed…If I can just touch the very hem of His garment, just a tip, I just know I will be healed. Ok…..I am going.
So far so good, no one has noticed me at all, everyone is watching Jesus. Oh…my head covering has slipped I must fix it quickly. I MUST remain hidden. He is so close now, I can just feel His presence. He has stopped and is just standing talking to people, so many people all around Him. I am reaching…reaching…just a little more…I must stretch…Yes~OH! Such power in that little touch~ there is a warmth rushing through me I know I am healed sigh!!!!!!!!!!… OH NO!! He knows! “Someone touched Me”, He says, His Disciples tell Him that there are throngs of people and chuckle as they say “and You ask “Who touched Me?”" Jesus tells them that He felt power leave Him and He begins to look around. Oooohhhhhh…….I am trying to make myself very, very small, I am so scared and shaking so hard….Oh dear I must face up to what I have done. I crawl in front of Him fall at His feet and tell Him all I have been through and what I have done. I wait for His chastisement…He looks at me with such love, I have never seenthis before, He takes my hand and lifts me up to stand in front of Him and says; “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
OH WHAT JOY!!!!!! I dance all the way home, my heart just may burst with the joy I am feeling!!! There is no more bleeding, my life has been given back to me! Because of Jesus I am freeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
Scripture Reference Mark 5:25-34 (NKJV) personalization of the woman is mine.
As a person coming out of or trying to come out of an abusive situation, you may feel like hiding, making yourself very small so you won’t be seen. I challenge you to get a hold of the garment of Jesus today and be set free! Try hard to visualize yourself at the feet of Jesus as He stands holding out His hand to you in an effort to lift you up to stand. He looks at you with the kind of Love only He can show. Can you feel the warmth of His healing flowing through you? Most importantly can you feel the joy of just knowing Him, Jesus, your Savior and mine?
If you are reading this post and you do not know Jesus, please seek Him out. You may also e-mail me at hisgirldori@yahoo.com I would love to introduce you.
John 3:16 states “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
I wish you Blessings and sweet sleep, Dori
November 18, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 1 Comment
Just when you think you are done with anger and bitterness, it rears it’s ugly head again…I had asked the Lord to change me at the retreat and I really meant it. What I did not expect was that I had been harboring some anger and bitterness that I had thought I had dealt with. I am beginningto see that when we are truly honest with God and really want a changed heart and attitude, He will bring things into the light for you to deal with together.
2 Corinthians 3:18 ~ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. (NKJV)
I walked into the retreat with my face unveiled before the Lord asking to be transformed and this is what He showed me…
There was a woman sitting in front of me who resembled very much Number Four’s attorney who if you remember from “Wings of Change” I considered to have been a friend. This woman did what some attorneys do and ripped me apart from limb to limb on the witness stand, both emotionally and to within an inch of my sanity. I am not kidding. Understand that I do pray for her. I wish her no ill at all, but when I saw this precious woman in front of me who turned out to also be a Pastor’s wife; I felt this bubbling and broiling in my inner self and really in all honesty, Lord PLEASE forgive me, I wanted to slap her… You also need to know that I am not a violent woman in-spite of the fact that I recently learned that Sicilians are an interbreeding of Greeks, Arabs and Italians as if just being 100% Italian is not enough, with the reputation of anger issues. I am also Sicilian. I have fought hard and, I thought placed my temper in a nice container on a shelf somewhere in a dusty corner. The Lord showed me I was just kidding myself! I am totally prone to that anger popping up when I least expect it.
That is NOT the woman of God I want to be and so I am back to the Throne and at the feet of the Lord working on anger and bitterness. Did I sin in my anger? No. Was I kind of thinking about it? Yes. That is a huge thing to come to grips with remember it is OK to be angry BUT it is not OK to sin in our anger. In “Wings of Change” we talked a bit about that but here in our Dark Cocoon it gives us a place to take it deeper, going deeper is a great thing. Look at the few scriptures I have sited we see that first of all; no one is going to care if you are angry, as long as you do not sin in your anger; no one gets hurt but you.
Second, the harm it causes is to your health. The stress you hold from carrying anger and bitterness is detrimental to your immune system as well and you nervous system, I would also include your weight, if you like me can be an emotional eater…so who is getting hurt by your (my) anger and bitterness…not Number Four’s attorney. The Life Positive website has this to say ~ ” Stress and health are closely linked. It is well known that stress, either quick or constant, can induce risky body-mind disorders. Immediate disorders such as dizzy spells, anxiety, tension, sleeplessness, nervousness and muscle cramps can all result in chronic health problems. In the long run they may also affect our immune, cardiovascular and nervous systems.” I can admit to having most of these effects at one time or another from the stress of the choices I have made in my life.
Third~Most important to me is how I long to be more Christ like in my thought life and in my actions towards those He loves; which of course is everyone, look at a few of His attributes in Psalm 103:8. I am continuing to work on this. The only way I see it at this point and 1 year after I wrote “Wings of Change” with the Lord is to stop thinking I can do it by myself, I am over it and be honest with myself. Jesus already knows I am not over it even though I so want to be. Only Jesus, the Healer of our hearts can completely heal us and ONLY if we allow Him to.
Job 18:4
You who tear yourself in anger,Shall the earth be forsaken for you? Or shall the rock be removed from its place?
Psalm 37:8
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;Do not fret—it only causes harm.
Psalm 103:8
The LORD is merciful and gracious,Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.
How can we be ready to begin to emerge from Night’s Dark Cocoon? I believe there is only one way and that is to keep my face before the Lord. To ask Holy Spirit to cause me to be in a continuous attitude of prayer even when I am doing other things and to be obedient to His word always and without excuse.
I pray this is continuing to be helpful, that you see you are not alone in your struggle and that Jesus is only a whisper away.
Many Blessings tonight~ Dori
November 18, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 5 Comments
If you were able to look through a butterfly’s cocoon I imagine you would be able to see little glimmers of light. As a caterpillar begins it’s transformation into a butterfly, do they stretch in that cocoon? Do they see that glimmer of light? Does it give them hope that the time in night’s dark cocoon is coming to an end?
Do you see a Glimmer of Light in your cocoon? Stretch a bit, take a peek, can you see it? The Light of Hope, the warmth of His Love is peeking through your cocoon for you to grasp. 2 Peter 2:9 (NKJV) But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light What a powerful scripture that is!! Read it again and substitute you name wherever it says you…I hope that lifts your spirits. Hang onto this with all you have in you. This cocoon is dark and hard and yet not only is Jesus our light but He PROMISES no to give us more than we can bear. I know, I know I have asked it in a questioning prayer too. ” I know You think I can handle this, Lord or You would not make me travel through these waters” Isaiah 43:2,3 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you, for I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (NKJV) Notice the Lord says when you go through…not if you go through…I will admit in a moment that I can not do it without Him, not for one second; but then it is His desire for us to lean on Him for His yoke is easy and His burden is light…(Matthew 11:30)
A few weeks ago my situation really hit me and I cried out to God and asked Him through a torrent of tears what was going to become of me now??? Ok I do admit that I have been a bit on the spoiled side in that I have had beautiful homes in spite of the fact that they came with a huge cost to me personally and emotionally. I have also always had someone to take care of, my children, husbands. I do have my dog (YAY GOD!) but with my children grown and my husband gone, I feel a bit lost. That is ugly sometimes but I can take heart in this: Isaiah 54:5 says this ~ For your Maker is your Husband, the Lord of hosts is His Name; and your redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. Knowing that the Lord my God is taking care of me is both humbling and comforting. I hope you find comfort in this as well. At that women’s retreat Lisa Bevere was the guest speaker and she said something that really touched something with me “Have nothing and you will have everything.” In some ways I see that, as God has provided for me in an abundance of ways in the past year and a half. A roof over my head thanks to my best friend and her husband, a job, the ability to visit with family and friends. How is God providing for you right now, today?
For me the knowledge that I will probably remain single is a new kind of normal and I admit to having a bit of difficulty in rewiring myself to what I am thinking is Jesus desire for me now. However, my passion and deepest desire is to continue to write and to be able to meet and pray with you in whatever stages of grief you may be in and for whatever reason. My longing to pray with you comes from a heartfelt desire to help you see the Glimmer of Light, Jesus, in your cocoon as I begin to see that Glimmer in mine. Do I have the answer as to what is to become of me now as of this writing? No, but I also hold onto Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
As we continue in our journey towards complete healing in Jesus, I hope you will keep this in the forefront of your mind.
May God’s rich Blessings be upon you tonight and may your dreams be sweet.
November 17, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 3 Comments
I can hardly believe that I have not been led to write for four months. So much has happened so much emotion but for now here is what I am feeling I need to share with you.
I overnighted the notorized deeds to our properties, taking my name off of them and also a judgement page that I was not fully in agreement with yesterday. There comes a time when relinquishment is the step you need to take and I could not put it off any longer. Things are not going to change at this point; so with hopes of reconciliation dashed, I signed and sent the paperwork.
I am still coming to grips with my feelings; sad for sure and yet Jesus has placed a peace within my soul and my spirit that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:7 puts what I am feeling like this~ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (NKJV)
I walked into our women’s retreat last week seeking the face of God and asking to be changed as I have been filled with anxiety, grief, anger, bitterness and resentment lately and that is not the person I want to be not to mention the fact that it is not the person God wants me to be; He is so faithful and I am changed! My spirit is quiet and my mind is at rest. Hebrews 10:23 says ~ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
In the midst of the storm and chaos around me, I am in the center of His peace, He has me under the shadow of His wings. Psalm 91:1-4 ~ He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust.” Surely He will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestilence. He shall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will take refuge.
I am taking every second of this bliss with hopes of finding a way; in each day’s busyness and especially in the days and weeks ahead as this unwanted divorce becomes finalized, to continue to abide in Him, where this phenomenal peace dwells, a glimmer of light in this dark cocoon’s corner. In John 15:5 Jesus says “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing”
I hope you will continue to abide in Him with me. See you at the Throne!
July 22, 2010 - Posted by Dori - 6 Comments
I have never in my life and hope never again to have to go through divorce trial. You know the whole point is that Number Four and I really do not own enough to have to be going through this but I am believing that there are lessons to be learned and people to be touched by it all.
For one thing; I am going to try to be real careful here, I never could have believed that a person could treat another person so badly. I was bullied, trashed and basically ripped apart on the stand…the problem is that when you are telling the truth your story never changes… this seemed to be a bone of contention for Number Four’s attorney and drew me deeper into my dark cocoon. My attorney did object and 99% of the time the objections were sustained but the dart had been fired and hit their target…my heart.
I did my best to hold it together but when I was grilled on a certain action I fell apart explaining that I handled things the way I did in that circumstance because I had hoped that my marriage might still work. I believe with my heart of heart that I have been allowed…maybe that is not the word but I am going to choose it, allowed to experience this trial situation and witness Number Four making decisions and comments that were not necessary so that I could feel a differant level of grief….I know how that sounds BUT you see if I can feel the depth of grief that I feel and can make the choice to be better not bitter and use it to feel another’s pain, I can accept that. If it has been for nothing (and I do not think it has) then it is all worthless.
Unfortunately after 2 days of, sorry but nonsense, nothing was completed and unless a settlement is set between Number Four and myself we will be back in court in September. This is something I can not afford finacially but more so emotionally and while I hold fast and strong to the Lord’s words in Isaiah 43:1-3 But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name and you are Mine. 2) When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you wak through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. 3) For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” (NKJV)
I was able to obtain some of my belongings and was also able to rent part of a truck to transport it back from CA. Everyone begged me to go with police escort. I decided not to do that, that I would trust the Lord as He had given me a Word on May 19th in which He said “My Lovely, you must trust Me, all will be well” (Lovely???me??? ok off topic) So I decided to trust and all was well and peaceful in spite of the fact that we waited 2 hours for the truck. Number Four kept falling asleep on the couch, so out of character and I had to wonder if he had had a drink that day already as he was not shaking and it is so unlike him to sleep at noon….my heart broke more. Number Four hugged me….Oh….it felt so good to be in his arms, he kissed my cheek said he was sorry it did not work out (no mention or acceptance of the role of alcohol) said he loved me and maybe we could get back together but at least we could be friends…Ohhhh…my heart still broke more. We were sitting in a lawn chair at one point and I asked him about his wedding ring, he said it was on his key ring, why I do not know but later I asked again and I saw a glimpse of the anger that lay just below the surface and felt the Lord’s covering. THAT was when I knew this peace was the Lord’s doing and not just an ok moment.
The next day in the hotel I put out the “Do not disturb” sign and slept all day. Waking up screaming or sobbing, to this day a month later I still have nightmares. God IS doing a work in me and little by little the nightmares are decreasing but when I hear something about the case they pick up again. I will be so happy when this is over and I can get onto the emerging part of this story…
There are times though in my dark cocoon that while painful growth is occurring, I catch a glimpse, a shimmer, a sliver of light that peeks through that darkness and I know it is Him! Jesus. For He is holding my dark cocoon in His Loving and Healing Hands. HE will not let me fall, HE will not let me break. HE will fill in these new cracks in me with His holy mortar and for that I am so grateful because even though during this time I am reaching people; it seems both men and women; What I really want you all to see is the hope, His Hope that will create the emergence and soaring free from these bonds of abuse and pain.
I wish with all my heart that you could see the passion I have for you to be whole and healed! It is for this reason that I continue to write. I pray that the Lord will continue to direct my words that they might be uplifting to you and you will know that you are not alone. Not because there is another woman going through it too but because Jesus is going through it with us.
I pray for your peace this night and sweet sleep….
